Review: The Twilight Saga: New Moon

Reviewed by Adam Mast, Zboneman.com.

As my wife and I pulled up to our local theater for one of those much publicized midnight sneaks of the latest entry in the Twilight Saga (Saga! Ha ha. Its not like its Star Wars), I noticed a girl standing in the parking lot holding up a sign that said: “Will bite for New Moon tickets!”. The sad, desperate look on her face said it all. It looked like she had just came out of a screening of The Road. I guess her friends failed to tell her that New Moon premiere tickets had sold out weeks in advance. And the chances of her getting a ticket this late in the game were about as likely as me getting out of the theater alive if I went in wearing a Team Lestat t-shirt (which I did have on–under my jacket).

Pic: Twilight Saga: New Moon, the cast.

Truth be told, I was really at the theater for my wife. While she isn’t a Twilight fanatic, she’s definitely a fan. I was also there to support local writer Jennifer Bennett who helped organize a Twilight essay writing contest. In fact, had it not been for Jen, Tonja and I probably wouldn’t have got into the jam packed theater ourselves. So thanks Jen.

Enough with the meaningless rambling. Your reading to see if I liked the movie, but the truth is, even if I hated it, you’d go see it anyway. New Moon is bigger and more lavish than the smaller, more intimate Twilight, but its also a little goofier and a lot cheesier. Clearly, it will appeal most to Stephenie Meyer’s faithful fans. Having said that, I wouldn’t say I hated the movie, but I’d liken the experience of watching it to listening to a Taylor Swift song. In other words, I’m clearly not the target audience.

At the heart of this latest entry in the four chapter series, a brooding Edward (played by brooding Robert Pattinson) decides to up and leave Bella (needy Kristen Stewart) as he fears his being in Forks puts her life and afterlife in danger. After Edward leaves, co-dependent Bella is consumed by visions of her undead high school love and is constantly compelled to to commit reckless acts. Thankfully, long time buddy Jacob (Taylour Lautner)–sporting a freakishly buffed and ripped physique–is there to comfort her in a time of need. And faster than you can say “Days of Our Lives,” we have ourselves a love triangle. Oh, by the way, did I mention that Jacob is a werewolf? What is it with Bella and old school monsters?

Chris Weitz has taken over the directing reigns from Catherine Hardwicke and he proves to be quite adept with the larger scale of things. The Volturi sequence in the final act is particularly effective. It was also nice to see a little more screen time for Bella’s human school buddies (including Jessica-played by Anna Kendrick– soon to be seen in the much buzzed about Up in the Air). And props to a chiseled Lautner who not only went through a major physical transformation, but also slips into the likable shoes of Jacob rather nicely. Sadly though, even Weitz can’t rise above the inherent cheese whiz that comes with the source material. Slow motion shots of Edward walking across a high school parking lot, a hilarious dreamlike sequence in which Bella and Edward are frolicking through the woods, and numerous gratuitous shots in which a pumped up Jacob shows off his new and improved body–none more ridiculous than a pivotal scene in which he removes his shirt to wipe blood from Bella’s cut brow. I also could have done without the countless moments in which we’re constantly reminded of what a big Shakespeare fan Bella is (Romeo and Juliet resting on her pillow, Hamlet poster on the wall, etc.) There are several times throughout New Moon when the proceedings almost played like a parody.

On the other hand, I have to admit, watching this film with a theater full of screaming girls (older women included) proved to be a hell of a lot of fun. It was strangely infectious. They were eating this stuff up. It then occurred to me that this saga is their Star Wars. And I suppose that’s nothing to scoff at.

So to sum up, New Moon wasn’t made for me. And while I’m fairly indifferent towards Stephenie Meyers’ uber popular universe, I certainly don’t see any reason to hate all over it like many other critics have been compelled to do. I believe A.O. Scott of The New York Times and At The Movies said it best when he suggested that New Moon not only causes girls to scream, but it actually has the ability to turn all of us into screaming girls. Hilarious! While New Moon certainly didn’t turn me into a screaming girl, I suppose I’ve been around enough Twilight fans in the last year or so to better understand its enormous appeal.

And its nice to see that even during a recession a movie can still sing to the tune of $140 million over the course of a single weekend. To put that into perspective, that’s roughly $20 million less than Twilight made in its entire run. Never underestimate the power of Stephenie Meyer fans.

On a final note, that sad young girl we saw in the parking lot three hours before show time did make it in after all. In a related story, a man’s body was found in a dumpster behind the theater with a bite mark on his neck. New Moon is now playing at a theater near you. Eclipse (from director David Slade) opens next June. Be sure to buy your tickets six months in advance.

Grade: C+