Director: McG
Cast: Tom Hardy, Chris Pine, Reese Witherspoon, Chelsea Handler
Running time: 93 minutes
Certificate: 12
Extras: Deleted scenes, alternative endings
It’s been three years since McG last dazzled moviegoers with his all-bang-no-brains approach to filmmaking. Now he returns with glossy but senseless love-triangle ‘comedy’ THIS MEANS WAR, which, like much of McG’s work, may be aesthetically pleasing, but has little substance beneath the glossy surface. This is perfectly encapsulated by its three leads, Tom Hardy, Chris Pine, and Reese Witherspoon; whilst perfectly fine actors when put to task, the trio are little more than window dressing, reduced to playing pitifully flat characters, two of whom remain relatively unlikable for the most part. But aren’t they pretty?
Hardy and Pine play Tuck and FDR, two best bud CIA agents who come to blows after discovering they have unwittingly begun dating the same girl, Witherspoon’s irritating Lauren. At first the boys revel in the friendly competition, even outlining some rules of engagement, and may the best man win etc. But it’s not long before the rivalry causes a predictable bust-up, and the pair resort to espionage tactics and squandering CIS resources in an effort to win the girl.
It’s not all bad: Tom Hardy remains likeable as ever, even when wrestling with contrived dialogue and lazy characterization. Chelsea Handler also raises a few laughs as Lauren’s best friend, the unashamedly coarse Trish. Otherwise, there’s little of any interest, mostly due the abysmal script. Built on a series of implausible scenarios (Resse Witherspoon Internet dating, anyone? And how many British CIA agents are there, really?), THIS MEANS WAR bypasses ‘so cheesy it’s good’ and charges straight into ‘painfully patronising’ territory. When a character needs to sit alone and teary-eyed with TITANIC to demonstrate how in touch with his emotions he’s become, the writers simply aren’t trying hard enough.
Extras: When the film’s this bad, why bother with the material not good enough for the final cut? The deleted scenes are mostly set-piece gags that fall short, and in hindsight, mercifully omitted. The alternative endings promise to be more interesting, as they play out each possible outcome of the love triangle, but prove just as irritating as each other.
THIS MEANS WAR is available on DVD and Blu-ray 2nd July
