THN’s Guilty Pleasures: Teen Wolf Too

A few years back I finally cleared out my beloved VHS collection due to domestic pressure. Out of the 600 tapes I owned, the only two not shipped off to charity shop hell were TEEN WOLF and TEEN WOLF TOO. They held far too much sentimental value for me. Shitloads, in fact. However, tired of my ex-rental copy of TEEN WOLF TOO making the shelves look untidy (those big boxes were the scourge of any respectable collection), I decided to replace it with a normal-sized version. I tracked one down on eBay, purchased the bugger, and waited at the door with what can only be described as demented glee. When it arrived it however, it turned out to be yet another ex-rental copy. Along with the one I already owned and the version I had on DVD, I now possessed three copies of TEEN WOLF TOO. My first thought was that I might be mentally deranged. The second was that perhaps TEEN WOLF TOO had in fact never been released on video to buy properly. Most likely because it’s utter shite and nobody wants the fucker. Despite this, I love it.

As a kid I was obsessed with the TEEN WOLF movies (and werewolves in general for that matter). I retrospect I realize the first, starring Michael J. Fox, is actually a decent 80s romp, but it was always the sequel that appealed to me more. Maybe it was the boxing, perhaps the moment when Todd cracks out a rendition of The Contours’ ‘Do You Love Me’ (proving that werewolves are not only good at boxing and pulling dollybirds, but singing without microphones too), but most likely it’s the sequel aspect – expanded stories and mythologies fascinated me as a child (I’d even mentally cast myself in a third outing for TEEN WOLF franchise, this time substituting the basketball and boxing of the first two with cricket –cricket!). However, now I see it clearly – TEEN WOLF TOO not a sequel at all, but a remake, completely retreading the first movie and wheeling out the same story and almost identical scenes. Some of the original characters even return (though not all the actors), clearly having learned nothing from the events of the previous film.

In fact, when looking closer, I see it’s hardly a movie at all, more an extended collection of music videos, with director Christopher Leitch piling on the montages and ridiculous sequences cut to crap tunes. Watch him drive fast! See how he catches a Frisbee in his mouth! Marvel as he revises very hard! I realize now it doesn’t matter how piss-poor TEEN WOLF TOO is – sentimental attachment is a powerful thing, and I will continue to love this and other terrible movies until my dying days (at which point I’ll still have the VHS).

And I’ll never tire of smirking every time I see Jason Bateman swanning around Hollywood like he’s a proper actor, pretending he was never Todd Howard. I know the truth, Bateman. Don’t hide it – wear it proud. TEEN WOLF TOO is awesome.

Here’s the evidence.

To see our other guilty pleasures, click here