Welcome back to our comprehensive compendium of Bond movie titles.
Yesterday we watched Roger Moore grow older and older. Today we find his eyebrow at its least flexible before he morphs into Timothy Dalton. And again into Pierce Brosnan. But let’s start with the most nonsensical moniker of all.
A VIEW TO A KILL
(1985) dir. John Glen
Moore bows out, Grace Jones jumps off the Eiffel Tower and Christopher Walken is the villain. Breathe that in… Christopher Walken is the villain.
Does It Sound Like A Bond Film:
Indeed it does. Don’t get me wrong, it doesn’t have anything to do with anything, but it sounds Bond-esque. Mainly because it has the word ‘Kill’ in it. Try it. Even TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD sounds a little bit like a Bond film. Although I fear Atticus Finch would not have become a great literary hero if he’d spanked half the jury and said, ‘Run along. Man talk.’ Or maybe he would, I dunno.
Does It Get A Song:
Oh boy, does it ever! Making up for the snore-storm that was the previous effort, they only get Duran bloody Duran to rock up and New Romanticise the Hell out of it. It reflects the shadowy and exciting existence of our hero, and with lyrics like;
‘Dance into the fire,
That fatal kiss is all we need,’
The song matches the title in that it sounds cool and dangerous without having any meaning whatsoever.
Does It Make Sense:
Hell to the no. They manage to crowbar it into the dialogue though, some truly baffling dialogue. When Mayday (Grace Jones) is in a blimp, observing the beautiful cityscape of San Francisco, she sighs, ‘What a view.’ Then Zoren (Christopher Walken) pops up and strangely whispers, ‘…to a kill.’ I’d truly like to think that after John Glen yelled cut that Walken paused, as only he could, and declared:
‘Y’know… Mis…TER Glen… I… GOTTA say…!… that line… it… makes NO sense… at ALL! What DOES………… it even MEan? HEY! BOOM!’
But he most likely just cashed his cheque and was somehow on the fourth hole on the nearest green before the blimp landed. And I will always love him for it.
Alternative Titles:
A Glance to a Snuff
A Peep to a Homicide
A Vista to a Murder
THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS
(1987) dir. John Glen
Timothy Dalton gets under-rated and Moneypenny gets instantly forgotten.
Does It Sound Like A Bond Film:
Yes, as it is sewn into the Living/Dying motif that is stitched throughout so many Bond titles. Again, it doesn’t really mean anything, but by now we’ve probably all stopped caring.
Does It Get A Song:
I know what you’re thinking; The last band was Duran Duran, it can’t get any more 80s than that, right? WRONG! (Also, that’s some attitude you got there, mister) Scandinavian warble purveyors A-Ha step up to do the honours, and what a terrific job they do do, too. The title track brings back the John Barry-style brass section that hasn’t been heard since THE MAN WITH THE GOLDEN GUN, making the song feel more in tune with the rest of the score and cross fertilises the classic Bond sound with the zeitgeist synth of the mid 80s. Like Dalton himself, this song is underrated and worth revisiting.
Does It Make Sense:
Not particularly, and like the last one, is crudely crowbarred into the dialogue when Bond fires a warning shot at a would be assassin and quips to his mate, ‘I must have scared the living daylights out of her.’ Of course, it’s only a quip because it’s the name of the film. If it wasn’t, that line would simply be Bond saying ‘Did you see her face? Proper SHAT herself.’ He would then masturbate.
Alternative Titles:
Proper SHAT Herself
Get Ur Dalton. Get Ur Dalton. Getcha Getcha Getcha Getcha Get Ur Dalton
LICENSE TO KILL
(1989) dir. John Glen
Bond gets hardcore and Benecio Del Toro gets proper minced. Which he probably preferred to that Wolfman film. That was bad. I mean that was really bad.
Does It Sound Like A Bond Film:
Unquestionably. Like the last two, it uses the Life/Death theme to the hilt, but it also refers to one of Bond’s defining plot points, the means by which he can murder without regret or consequences. It was originally to be titled ‘License Revoked’ (this is true, by the way), referring to the disequilibrium of the film more than any ever has, but Americans relate that term to having your driving license taken away, so it was renamed, and all the better for it. Otherwise our Yankee cousins may have thought it was about Bond having to walk to the shops, all grumpy and whining about his feet.
Truthfully, I’d watch that.
Does It Get A Song:
Oh yes, a really good one too. History hasn’t remembered Gladys Knight’s effort favorably, and I don’t know why. It’s one of my favourites and compliments the film tremendously. Brass, strings, great soulful vocals, everything you want. Plus Gladys Knight is a dish.
Does It Make Sense:
Yes, the whole film revolves around Bond going rogue, leaving the Secret Service and trying to avenge his friend’s mutilation. But he has his license to kill revoked, so he shouldn’t kill anyone, but him murdering people as a civilian doesn’t seem to bother anyone. His ex-bosses, the authorities, nobody seems to give a toss. Which makes you wonder why they bothered to revoke his license, or indeed why he even needs a license in the first place. Plot holes aside, the title makes perfect sense, is instantly evocative of Bond and simply sounds cool, thus becoming one of the better names.
Alternative Titles:
Sex, Lies(ense To Kill) and Videotape
What Lies(ense To Kill) Beneath
Secrets and Lies(ense To Kill)
GOLDENEYE
(1995) dir. Martin Campbell
Pierce Brosnan debuts to battle with Sean Bean. Brilliance ensues.
Does It Sound Like A Bond Film:
Not especially. It’s the third to mention gold, so it sort of has a lineage. But other than that, GOLDENEYE could be anything. UNLESS you’re a Bond enthusiast who knows the origin of the term and how it relates specifically to Fleming, and vicariously to Bond. But if you weren’t familiar with the name of Fleming’s tropical estate, then it’s meaningless.
It has since become a slang term for anus. Just sayin’.
Does It Get A Song:
Why yes, yes it does. ‘GoldenEye’ (and that’s not a typo, it’s supposed to be like that) was written by Bono and The Edge, declined by Shirley Bassey and sung by Tina Turner. Then bitched about by Bassey.
It’s a corking number, dark and enticing, drawing parallels between sex, danger and obsession. However, Eric Serra (who wrote the film’s score) in no way collaborated with the makers of the titular tune, so none of the song’s themes are incorporated into the musical motif of the movie. There is no synergy between the song and the score, so Turner’s ‘GoldenEye’ seems oddly dislocated from the rest of the film. Nevertheless, it’s fantastic.
Does It Make Sense:
Yuppers. GOLDENEYE is the name of the McGuffin (in this case, a satellite system) and also a pleasing inside reference to the estate of Ian Fleming, thus implying to fans that the filmmakers respected the heritage of the series and its creator.
Alternative Titles:
Anus
Sexy Action Jaundice
TOMORROW NEVER DIES
(1997) dir. Roger Spottiswoode
Oh mate it’s brilliant this one ‘cos it’s got Jonathan Pryce chewing the scenery in wonderful style and Michelle Yeoh rocks up as my favourite Bond girl and Gotz Otto as the villain’s ‘heavy’ is really good and Vincent Schiavelli has an hilarious and brutal cameo and David Arnold’s music is awesome and the real world analogies are more relevant today than ever and it’s just brilliant in fact it’s my favourite Bond so there.
Does It Sound Like A Bond Film:
Like so many before, it sounds cool and Bondian mainly because it refers to killing/dying, even at the expense of making any sense. Legend has it that the original title was TOMORROW NEVER LIES, in reference to Elliot Carver’s newspaper ‘Tomorrow,’ but along the line someone misread it and the misnomer stuck, presumably because it does indeed sound more inkeeping with the oeuvre. Inelegant, meaningless, but catchy.
Does It Get A Song:
Yes and yes. Almost exactly like THUNDERBALL, it gets two, as a theme was written and recorded and then replaced at the last minute. David Arnold (who wrote the glorious score) worked with KD Lang on the original theme and sutured the melodies into what was the best soundtrack in a long time. However, shortly before release, producers opted for Sheryl Crow’s entry which became the main theme, with Lang’s effort being renamed ‘Surrender’ and relegated to the end credits. This is a downright pity as her effort is much more Bonder (#ToHellwithgrammar) than Crow’s and suited the film better, though Crow’s is still very good and does relate to 007 specifically, with lyrics like:
‘Darlin’ you’ve won, it’s no fun.
Martinis, girls, and guns.
It’s murder on our love affair.
But you bet your life every night
While your chasing the morning light.
You’re not the only spy out there.’
And in the video, we have Sheryl and some other ladies lounging around on the souls of giant upside down feet. And for that, we can only be thankful.
Here’s KD Lang’s effort from the end credits, renamed ‘Surrender,’ as it would look in the opening titles.
Does It Make Sense:
No.
Alternative Titles:
Tomorrow Never Lies
Tomorrow Never Cries
Tomorrow Never Dries
Tomorrow Never Fries
Tomorrow Never Sighs
Tomorrow Never Tries
Tomorrow Never Ties
Tomorrow Never Spies
Tomorrow Never Dyes
(All of the above make as much sense as the actual title. I’m particularly keen on Tomorrow Never Tries. I don’t know why)
The JAMES BOND Movie Titles rundown WILL RETURN tomorrow with Brosnan’s lesser efforts and the arrival of Daniel Craig. Join us for the exciting conclusion, which will be coming to you live from a hollowed out volcano.*
For your eyes only, the entire rundown of Bond Titles is here. Positively shocking.
*Actual location may differ from advertised volcano. See local volcanoes for more information.
