Writers: David Benioff, D. B Wiess.
Directors: Alex Graves.
Cast: Lena Headey, Peter Dinklage, Charles Dance, Jack Gleeson, Sophie Turner, Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, Gwendoline Christie, Natalie Dormer, Diana Rigg, Alfie Allen.
Synopsis: It’s Wedding time again in Westeros, with it being D-Day for Margaery as she walks down the aisle to be married to teen tyrant Joffrey. With it being Westeros though, what are the chances of an event free ceremony?
And breathe. After a year away Game Of Thrones is finally back on our TV screens. After last years Red Wedding debacle we at THN decided that this show should not be watched without a support network, so this year we will be here to hold your hand through the fourth series of the show with our very own Blog of Thrones.
Ding dong Joffrey’s dead. That’s right folks after spending the last three seasons being a sadistic, irritating little shit, King Joffrey has finally shuffled off this mortal coil. Those of you who have read the books will have been sitting on this nugget of information for some time now, personally I would like you thank you all for holding the secret in.
His death raises several questions though, the most obvious being who poisoned him? The list should be endless though it looks like the main suspects are Sansa, Margaery, Olenna, the Knight-turned-fool Dontos Hollard, with the arrested Tyrion being the least likely, but possible, scapegoat. The other big question is now that the most hated character has gone, who are we going to despise now?
Anyway, back to the start of the episode titled The Lion And The Rose (a reference to the wedded pair) where we caught-up with Roose Bolton’s bastard son Ramsey Snow and Theon Greyjoy (or as he will henceforth be known as ‘Reek’?). A shadow of his former cocky (pardon the pun) self, reduced to the Snow’s lapdog. The only glimpse that the original man was still trapped somewhere deep within was his display of pathos when told that his best friend Rob had been butchered.
Bran has been ‘warging’ as his wolf Summer again and, given his paralysis in human form, the twins are growing concerned that he is spending too much time in wolf form – any more and he’ll lose himself entirely. Then he touched a tree with a face, and saw a vision and he now knows where they need to go. He obviously didn’t divulge that information so we’re left in the dark once again.
Melissandra has converted Stannis’ wife to his new-found religion and it seems she has taken to the it greatly, seemingly happy to throw her ‘tainted’ daughter onto a pyre. The Red Witch then visited the young girl and the pair waxed lyrical about religion.
Jamie and Bronn are sparring. After all of his stubborn actions last episode it seems that it was all bravado as Jamie honestly admits to Tyrion that he cant be the king’s hand anymore. Tyrion then offers Bronn’s services to help train him. One of the best lines of the show had to be Tyrion’s toast to Jamie, ‘To the proud Lannister children, the dwarf, the cripple and the mother of madness‘.
After being spotted last week, Kings Landing is no longer safe for Shae and poor Tyrion has to had her sent away. She won’t go willingly though and he is forced to lie that he no longer loves her *sob*.
The wedding has brought everyone out and it would appear that not everyone is as happy as they should be. The brother and sister part-time lovers that are Cersei and Jamie are playing games with the rest of the court. Jamie is not at all happy about his sister’s impending marriage to Sir Laurel, the lover of Margeary’s former husband Renly Baratheon. He chooses the wedding to voice his distain to Laurel who, to give him credit, holds-up to the older man bravely, Jamie threatens that Laurel will never marry Cersei to which Laurel retorts – neither will he.
Meanwhile Cersei is sizing-up the unlikely competition. Brienne of Tarth, the toughest lady this side of the wall has a crush on a certain one-handed Lannister and Cersei isn’t happy about it. I expect Brienne to find herself out of her depth shortly. It was only last week that Cersei was casting her brother lover aside, but it would seem that her interest has been peaked now that there is competition.
We then arrive at the ‘purple’ wedding breakfast main event and if Game Of Thrones has taught us anything, its that there isn’t such a thing as a quiet wedding feast. The fact that the last twenty of so minutes of the show are primarily focussed on how vile Joffrey can be is a real credit to young actor Jack Gleeson.
The wedding feast kicks off with the starts of a beautiful song, and Margaery seems quite smitten. Joffrey however throws their money at them, and they are gone, replaced with Sansa’s Knight whom again is whisked off the stage. Turns out Joffrey has his own celebration to showcase in the form of a dwarf stage show which mocks the rivals for the throne. He smirks with delight at the torment he is causing Sansa. Tyrion and her try to excuse themselves but Joffrey will have none of it and seeks to humiliate his uncle. Unfortunately for him Tyrion takes it all in his stride which just infuriates the young King further. Even his channeling of Superman’s Zod, ‘Kneel!’ doesn’t get a rise.
Finally though the pie is revealed which Joffrey washes down with wine upon which he begins to choke; there is a moment where it seems that Tyrion may try to save him, but it is parents Jamie and Cersei who rush to his side. The fact that no one else, even his own grandfather, comes to Cersei’s pleas to aid their King shows just how nasty and unliked Joffrey is. That, or Tywin is in on the poisoning. The episode ends with one final look at Joffrey, blood pouring from his eyes, with the vengeful promise that heads will roll for this.
To commerate the passing of Westeros’ own Justin Bieber, we have compiled a list of the five most cringe inducing phrases to come out of his mouth.
[To The Masses] My mother wishes me to let Lord Eddard join the Night’s Watch. Stripped of all titles and powers, he would serve the realm in permanent exile. And my Lady Sansa has begged mercy for her father. But they have the soft hearts of women. So long as I am your king, treason shall never go unpunished. Sir Ilyn, bring me his head!
[To Sansa] I’ll tell you what. I’m going to give you a present. After I raise my armies, and kill your traitor brother, I’ll give you his head as well.
[To Sansa] As soon as you’ve had your blood I’ll put a son in you. Mother says that shouldn’t be long.
[After naming his new sword] Widow’s Wail, I like that. Every time I use it, it’ll be like cutting off Ned Stark’s head again.
[At The Wedding Breakfast] Well fought. Here you are the champion’s purse, though your not the champion yet are you? A true champion defeats all the challengers. Surely there are others out there who dare to challenge my reign. Uncle, how about you? I’m sure they have a spare costume.
Farewell King Joffrey it’s been a blast hating you, and who knows what will come next – we may end up missing you.
[usr=5] Game Of Thrones airs on HBO in north America, and Sky Atlantic in the UK and Ireland.
