Director: Darren Aronofsky
Cast: Russell Crowe, Jennifer Connelly, Anthony Hopkins, Ray Winstone, Logan Lerman, Emma Watson, Douglas Booth
Certificate: 12A
Running Time: 138 Minutes
It’s a good job, really, that those behind NOAH opted to include a disclaimer that basically said the film was not an exact adaptation of the biblical story – more an ‘inspired by’ kind of adaptation. The story of the man who was charged with building an ark in order to preserve the many different species on planet Earth is one of the better known of the biblical tales and yet in this version there is little to recognise.
It takes a special kind of director to take an assembled cast of very talented actors and make them look incompetent and ridiculous. You can see them trying, really trying, but against the bizarre and distracting special effects and the cheesy, almost comedic dialogue, their attempts at a serious biblical epic often come off as laughable. Poor Russell Crowe doesn’t know what to do with himself; Emma Watson manages some great moments of sincerity which are quickly ruined by some cheesy retort or fake effect behind her; even Anthony Hopkins is so covered in make-up and costume that you have to struggle to see his usually-so-expressive face.
The only impressive part of NOAH is the actual flood sequence but the special effects used elsewhere are truly strange, from the infamous snake in the Garden of Eden to the fallen angels who look and act more like Michael Bay’s Transformers than anything from biblical times. Even the animals who take refuge in the ark are animated far away from anything remotely realistic.
An appalling attempt at a blockbuster, NOAH manages to be ridiculous and insulting all at once. Quite an achievement really.
[usr=2] NOAH is out now to buy on DVD and Blu-ray.
