When it comes to eateries in film, you can never be too sure.
In K-Shop – out on DVD 1st August – a kebab shop owner takes revenge on the boozed-fuelled, aggro customers by sticking them in doner meat. It’s the latest in a long and very grisly line of places you really should be careful about dining at in the movies.
To help you avoid a bellyache (or worse) we’ve put together this rundown of the five places to avoid at all costs…
BEST KEBAB
As Seen In: K-SHOP (2016)
Where: Bournemouth
Description: Your standard city centre kebab house. Can get a tad raucous on the weekend.
The Chef: Salah (Ziad Abaza), who takes over the shop and turns vigilante after his father is killed in an altercation with some drunken customers.
Clientele: Piss-heads, ASBOs, and stag-doers. Your standard Friday night mob, in other words.
Today’s Special: A mixed doner – a mixture of piss-heads, ASBOs, and stag-doers, that is. Can’t be any worse than what’s normally in your kebab.
THE FRATELLIS’
As Seen In: THE GOONIES (1985)
Where: Astoria, Oregon
Description: Derelict cafe belonging to the Fratelli crime family. It’s like every other summer place – bullet hole-ridden 4×4 in garage, freakish simpleton chained up in the cellar, passageway to lost pirate treasure in fireplace etc.
The Chef: Jake Fratelli (Robert Davi). Likes singing out of tune. His chef’s apron look disconcertingly like something you’d wear when dismembering limbs.
Clientele: Dead bodies, mostly. And the odd rabble of adventuring children.
Today’s Special: The only thing thing they serve is tongue. You boys like tongue?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cYvG-PIXjJA
LAST CHANCE GAS STATION
As Seen In: TEXAS CHAIN SAW MASSACRE (1974)
Where: Bastrop, Texas
Description: A remote stop on Highway 304, it’s not just for fillin’ her up (assuming the pumps aren’t empty) – it’s the perfect place to get a bite to eat too.
The Chef: Known simply as “The Cook” (Jim Siedow), he’s the father/uncle/brother – we dread to think with their family history – to ol’ Leatherface (Gunnar Hansen).
Clientele: Mostly vanloads of teenagers, quite unaware that their weekend away will likely lead to quite a gruesome and painful death.
Today’s Special: BBQ and chili. For ingredients, see above.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vs3981DoINw
PANKOT PALACE
As Seen In: INDIANA JONES & THE TEMPLE OF DOOM (1984)
Where: Pankot, India
Description: A lavish banquet room in the palace residence of the pint-sized Maharajah (Raj Singh).
The Chef: It’s a mystery. Could be a couple of slave kiddie-winks brought up from the dungeons below, knowing the sinister buggers that run this place.
Clientele: India’s great and good, British imperial officers, plus Indiana Jones (Harrison Ford) and sidekicks Willie (Kate Capshaw) and Shortround (Ke Huy Quan).
Today’s Special: Snakes, bugs, eyeballs, and chilled monkey brains. De-lish.
LECTER’S PLACE
As Seen In: RED DRAGON (2001)
Where: Baltimore, Maryland
Description: Posh pad belong to famous psychiatrist Dr. Hannibal Lecter. Full of books, fine art, and weapons for mutilating. It’s all very swanky.
The Chef: Dr Lecter himself. More a host than chef, but knows how to rustle something poncey in the kitchen.
Clientele: Not paying customers, but guests at one of Lecter’s regular dinner parties. Usually some hoity-toity types from an orchestra or whatnot. So expect a bit of high-brow banter over the liver and fava beans.
Today’s Special: You are, probably.
K-Shop is on DVD 1st August
