Organizing one’s Christmas viewing is a delicate thing – one needs to know what films and TV to watch at which times, maximizing festive cheer whilst not overdoing it and spoiling The Most Wonderful Time of the Year for oneself. For the past three weeks you’ve been right to be cautious, but now, as we head into week four, all bets are off, feel free to get as festive as you damn well like. That’s right, it’s time to bring out the big guns – and if you’ve made it this far, followed the Essential Christmas Guide, and paid close attention, you’ve made it onto the ‘nice’ list. In other words, you’ve earned it…
It’s true that Christmas is largely considered to be a time for children, and to a degree that’s absolutely right. So it’s no surprise that a large number of Christmas movies are aimed at kids. Many of the festive films aimed at our younger selves stay with us as we grow, refusing to vacate out imaginations much in the same way that many Christmas traditions stick with us over the years – after all, who can deny the pleasure of popping on a crap paper hat or pulling a cracker well into our adult years? Of course, it will depends greatly on age – some viewers will have a greater sentimental attachment to more (relatively) recent fare such as The Grinch, and future film buffs may look back with a particular fondness for movies such as The Polar Express. But here are a few absolute musts no matter what age:
Home Alone – there’s a certain charm to this movie that seems to carry on through the years. Is it Macaulay Culkin’s trademark scream? Is it the scene in which a pizza delivery boy believes himself to be the victim of a professional ‘whacking’ through nothing more than some nifty remote control work? Or is it – and let’s be honest, it is – the feckless burglars, Harry and Marv, outwitted at every turn by Chicago’s most annoying brat?
This is brilliant slapstick nonsense – the nail through Marv’s foot, the blowtorch to Harry’s bonce, the ridiculous scream Marv lets out when he cops a tarantula to the face. And let’s not forget we got to do it all again in Home Alone 2: Lost in New York. But a word of warning, if you’re planning to watch them both (and you should if you want to do things properly), it’s recommended that you do them straight off, one after the other – you can’t step away from Home Alone and expect to get back on board within the week. It’s all or nothing. And keep the change, you filthy animal.
Jingle All the Way – almost definitely worth a watch for two reasons – firstly, Arnold Schwarzenegger losing the plot with sleazy neighbour Phil Hartman for eating his cookies. And secondly, the point at which Arnie has a full-scale fight with a reindeer and has to resort to punching it out (channeling Conan perhaps). You’d be hard pressed to find a bigger cinematic endorsement for capitalism and there’s little doubt that the superhero antics at the climax are beyond ludicrous (because it’s totally believable until that point). In fact, it’s bloody awful, but that’s far from the point. No one wants to watch Jingle All the Way, but we’ve got to, it’s Christmas…
But it’s not all about the kids. Some of the greatest Christmas movies ever are reserved for us adults, or more specifically, the adults that refuse to grow up. Take Gremlins, for instance. It’s one of those films that gained notoriety through VHS and terrestrial screenings, appealing to the imaginations of any kid that had ever wondered what might happen if you put a living animal into a food blender.
Joe Dante’s nasty little movie has the perfect mix of fairytale, comedy, and horror, securing it as an undoubted must at Christmas time. And though it does bring a certain amount of festive cheer, it’s easy to forget just how dark it really is (Phoebe Cates’s story about her Santa-clad father’s death, for example). Though not quite as good as it’s sequel (an unpopular but absolute truth), like a snow plough through your living room, there’s no avoiding Gremlins at Christmas.
It’s also worth remembering little gems such as Trading Places. John Landis’s reworking of the Mark Twain’s The $1, 000, 000 Bank Note, brilliantly showcases the comedic talents of Dan Ackroyd and Eddie Murphy, both at the height of their careers (and talents).
But if it’s Christmas comedy you seek, then look no further than National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. Sure, the Vacation series may have declined in quality as it went on (much like Chevy Chase’s career), but this installment is a masterpiece. Clark Griswold’s (Chase) breakdown is comic genius – determined to host the perfect family Christmas, Clark’s failure at every turn is heartbreaking. Who can deny genuinely rooting for Clark as he prepares the family for switching on the Christmas lights? (‘Joy to the world!’) Randy Quaid as Cousin Eddie is worth a mention too (‘You serious, Clark?’) – the stuff of white-trash legend.
But it’s not just movies that deliver the big laughs over the festive season – although we looked at TV specials last week, it’s time to turn back to a couple that are truly in a league of their own.
The Office Christmas special is the finest ninety minutes of British television ever produced, period. As a whole, the series has more heart and depth than any comedy that’s graced British TV screens, and the festive episodes are the greatest example of this. Though genuinely hilarious, the magic of The Office lies in its astute character observations, heart-warming relationships, and uncomfortably real situations. Who can deny the power of David Brent’s redemption? Or Tim and Dawn’s reconciliation? This is seriously hilarious and powerful stuff.
What Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant do so well is the endings – though the whole of the two-part special is nothing short of genius, it’s the last ten minutes that tug vigorously at the heartstrings, ensuring that those cheesy work-disco songs have more sentimental value than we’d like to admit. And it’s not just The Office that does this. Gervais and Merchant pull off exactly the same trick in the Extras Christmas special, leaving viewers teary eyed at Andy Millman’s redemptive Big Brother exit. What is most staggering about this is its contrast to the rest of the series – Extras is such a cold show and largely about unlikable people, so to turn it around and deliver such warmth is a masterstroke.
For these reasons, The Office and Extras are elevated above the standard TV Christmas special – works of true festive spirit.
So here we are, down to the last recommendation for essential Christmas viewing – we’ve looked at Christmas for grown ups and children, movies and television, traditional and alternative takes on festive traditions. And there’s one film that encompasses all of these aspects – one film that is an absolute must on Christmas Eve. It is, of course, The Muppets Christmas Carol.
To put it bluntly, this version of the Dickens classic is bloody brilliant. There are plenty of others to choose from, such as the versions featuring Alistair Sim, Patrick Stewart, and even Kelsey Grammar (and you’re welcome to indulge on those also), but for pure unadulterated Christmas spirit, you can’t beat The Muppets – great songs, great casting (that goes for Muppets as well as Michael Caine), and an all-round brilliant interpretation of the original story for adults ad kids alike. There are other family-friendly movies to be watched at this time, like Oliver or It’s a Wonderful Life, but these films seem more appropriate in bridging the gap between Christmas and New Year (whilst we longue around, bored out of our skulls and too lethargic to change the channel). But it’s The Muppets that truly lifts ones spirits as we head toward the big day, all excited and drunk, awaiting the arrival of Santa Claus or a crudely wrapped bottle of Bailey’s, depending on your age.
So there we have it, the Christmas list done and dusted. For those of you that have followed this guide, you will indeed have a right old jolly time. For those of you that haven’t, there’s always next year to look forward to.
There are no doubt films and TV shows that have been missed off from this guide, those that may have a special seasonal place in the hearts of many viewers. And as each Christmas rolls around, new additions make it onto the list. Who knew that this year’s major discovery would be Ernest Saves Christmas? A surefire bet for next year’s definitive collection.
It’s been fun writing this guide and even more fun watching everything that’s been discussed. It was a lot of work, but it sure was worth it. So enjoy the movies, revel in the tradition of the TV special, and above all else, have a very merry Christmas.
