On 16th May 2014, Toho’s greatest monster will return to the big screen in an American reboot. With just 20 weeks to go, we here at THN are counting down the GODZILLA back catalogue.
Director: Ishiro Honda
Starring: Tomonori Yazaki, Hideyo Amamoto, Sachio Sakai, Kazuo Suzuki, Kenji Sahara, Machiko Naka, Haruo Nakajima
Plot: A young boy uses his imagination to escape to a world of monsters in order to avoid his real life troubles.
ALL MONSTERS ATTACK is as uneven and bizarre as its many titles suggest. It’s had the titles ALL MONSTERS ATTACK, which doesn’t work as it doesn’t contain all the monsters and the monsters it does contain don’t all attack. Another popular title is GODZILLA’S REVENGE, and as you can imagine, there is no revenge to be had. The title sometimes given to this film is MINYA: SON OF GODZILLA, with Godzilla’s son’s name again translated differently to the usually accepted Minilla. But even that title isn’t appropriate. Why? Because this isn’t really a Godzilla or even a monster film. Technically it doesn’t contain a single kaiju.
ALL MONSTERS ATTACK (I’ll use this title from now on just to avoid confusion) was the sequel to the costly but brilliant DESTROY ALL MONSTERS. A number of techniques were implemented in order to save some money and with Eiji Tsuburaya, the special effects god, not involved (though still credited out of respect) the effects work were limited in their scope. You’ve got to spend money to make money, and ALL MONSTERS ATTACK proves this as it sold 1,000,000 fewer tickets in Japan and became the least seen Godzilla film. It is perhaps for this very reason that many of the monsters seen here would not surface again until 2004’s 50th anniversary movie GODZILLA: FINAL WARS.
Aimed squarely at children, the film is a bizarre and fascinating tale in which all the monster segments are imagined. Not only this, but it’s also the cinematic equivalent of a clip-show, with many of the fights being stock-footage from previous entries in the franchise. Imagine if the next superhero blockbuster sequel was all the concoction of a bullied schoolboy with parents that worked the whole time. You’d certainly feel cheated, and that’s exactly how many feel about ALL MONSTERS ATTACK. It begins with a loud and shouty theme tune that certainly sets the tone. Sung by Risato Sasaki, this is the kind of theme that was prevalent with shows aimed at children at the time. It’s quite the obnoxious opening, and at least lets you know that this is going to be very different. This theme plays out over actual shots of the industrial parts of Japan, and it’s very noticeable that this is on location shooting and not done in a studio. It adds a grittier feel, which was promising at first but then became obvious that without having to shoot monster battles, studio sets were not needed.
Our protagonist is the impetuous monster lover, Ichiro. He can identify the sounds of any monsters, and uses real world sounds to make similes between the horns of cars and his favourite kaiju. I should take this moment to say that it is never explicitly stated as to whether the monsters actually exist within this universe or not. At one point Ichiro is seen with a Godzilla toy, but it’s never stated that the monsters do frequent this land or not. It’s open to interpretation, and I like to believe that it takes place in our world, but only so that I can remove it from the strict continuity. Ichiro walks home through the industrial settings, and stops to talk to his father, a train driver. It’s made very clear that Ichiro will be home alone that evening, suggesting some social commentary on the working class of Japan and how their hard work eats into family time. As Ichiro walks home, he also encounters a gang of bullies lead by the jerkfaced Gabara. If you think Gabara sounds like the name of a monster, then you’re a quick one, as this plays into later segments of the film.
These bullies, with Gabara in particular, are metaphors for the monsters we all have in life. Gabara accuses Ichiro of stealing things he’s found, and then tries to pressure Ichiro into honking the horn on a workman’s bike. However, Ichiro is too strong willed to conform and runs away. At least…for now! Ichiro runs home where we are introduced to every children’s film’s favourite character, the eccentric adult who is a good friend to the child but would be incredibly creepy in real life. This toy maker, Shinpei, is played by the wonderful Hideyo Amamoto, who goes against type, as he was usually cast as a creepy/seedy villain. Shinpei invents strange and magnificent toys which plays into the whole imagination journey that we are about to descend upon. With Ichiro’s mother not able to come home from work, Ichiro decides to use his imagination to travel to Monster Island.
Now, this should be fun. Even if I don’t get the wanton destruction I’m so used to, a kid using their imagination to live in a fantasy world of monsters should at least be fun. It could have also had some heart and pathos with Ichiro having to face his own demons. Unfortunately, it turns out that Ichiro’s imagination is very limited in its scope, as the majority of stuff he imagines is merely stock footage from previous films. Obviously this saved money for the team, but also Eiji Tsuburaya was not a part of this film. Therefore the special effects work was left to director Honda. This constant use of stock footage also means that Godzilla’s appearance changes dramatically from scene to scene. To top it all off, it isn’t even a compilation of Godzilla’s best bits. With all monster scenes set on an island, Honda limits himself to the fights he can show, and when Ichiro isn’t just stood idly by watching Godzilla do his thing, there are lengthy parts of nothingness. One instance involves Ichiro falling down a hole before a rope comes down to help him out. The scene is needlessly long and ponderous, and it’s a shame to see Honda try and pad out the running time when the film is only 69 minutes in total.
Ichiro is let out of the hole by Minilla (Godzilla’s son), who can change his size to that of Ichiro. Minilla can speak in Ichiro’s dream world, because presumably Ichiro didn’t find him annoying enough. The puppetry, with added eye animatronics, also makes the mini-zilla creepy as hell. Ichiro discovers that even monsters can be bullied, as Minilla and the other monsters are constantly at odds with Gabara, a monster that was never seen again after this film. Suppose without the other kaiju’s back catalogue, his career just couldn’t recover from this mess. It’s a bit of a shame, as Gabara isn’t a terribly designed monster, and he is also the first to be similar in anatomy and proportions to Godzilla himself, making him a perfect adversary. But I suppose when you’re the product of a little boy’s imagination, what kaiju-cred do you really have?
The second half of the film takes a dramatic turn, as Ichiro comes across the driver’s license of a criminal who has stolen a lot of money and is in hiding. The criminal and his partner decide to kidnap the boy to find out what he knows. While kidnapped, he again retreats into the world of the monsters, where Minilla’s battle with Gabara teaches Ichiro that sometimes you have to fight back. This gives Ichiro all the power he needs to fight back against the criminals and face his demons. The editing splices in shots of the criminals while monster battles take place, to further hammer home the extensive metaphor that this film essentially is. Through some less exaggerated HOME ALONE shenanigans, Ichiro is able to overcome the criminals and becomes a bit of a media darling. The final sequence sees Ichiro go toe-to-toe with Gabara (the bully, not the monster) in a fight made up of stills. Ichiro comes out on top, but then the film truly loses me and any credit it had managed to amount. Ichiro, inexplicably, bows to the wishes of the bullies from earlier in the film by pressing the horn of the workman from earlier. This causes the workman to fall off his ladder, in a accident that could have seen the man die. Ichiro runs away and is now a hero to the bullies. This is such a bizarre turn as I’m not sure what the message is. Is it suggesting you should become friends with the bullies and become the monster you once feared? That certainly seems to be the case.
ATTACK ALL MONSTERS, or whatever you want to call it, is a hurriedly assembled film with a meandering story to tell. The 69 minutes feel longer than any previous Godzilla film, and a child protagonist just doesn’t suit the franchise. It is obviously aimed at a much younger audience, but surely even the kids want to see Godzilla and co. doing their thing, and not used as an imaginary element. The fight scenes, when not compiled of stock footage, aren’t anything special, and having Minilla talk just adds to the frustration. Needless to say, this is my least favourite Godzilla film, as I don’t think it can even be called that. Fortunately, it can easily be exited from canon.
Dub-Misstep: Bloomin’ awful. The children’s voices are done by adults who believe to sound like children they should just whisper the whole time. Some of the dubbing is also offensive at points as the vocal work is done in stereotypical Japanese accents speaking in broken English. It’s a funny watch, but not a pleasant one. Minilla’s voice becomes that of a deeper and gruffer man, which removes the last shred of cuteness (it actually manages to make the film even worse).
Monsters: Plenty of monsters on parade here, but mostly via stock footage. If you’ve seen the previous films then the only new addition is Gabara, who doesn’t really exist.
Notes For GODZILLA (2014): Just stay away from this film altogether. The whole premise, the childish tone, the fact the monsters are just imaginary, are all things we’ll never see, and I couldn’t be happier.
G-RATING:
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GODZILLA will be released 16th May 2014. It stars Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Elizabeth Olsen, Juliette Binoche, Ken Watanabe, Bryan Cranston, Sally Hawkins, Akira Takarada, and David Strathairn.
