Director: George Lucas
Cast: Liam Neeson, Ewan McGreggor. Jake Llyod, Natalie Portman, Ray Park
Running time: 136 minutes
Certificate: U
Synopsis: When two Jedi Kinghts, Qui-Gonn (Neeson) and Obi-Wan (McGreggor), are sent to resolve a political dispute, they chance upon a young boy, Anakin Skywalker (Llyod), with whom the Force is especially strong. When the dispute truns into an invasion, the Jedis realise there may be a bigger conflict approaching, and dark forces pitted against them…
Aside from the fact that fans’ resentment has intensified since its original release 13 years ago, very little has changed for PHANTOM MENACE. It’s still a confused mess, hampered by contradicting internal logic, abysmal dialogue, and George Lucas’ need to prove just how much digital crap he can squeeze into every frame. This time around, however, PHANTOM MENACE is re-issued in glorious 3D, and those hoping this will add an much-needed extra layer to the film will be bitterly disappointed. In truth, no amount of visual trickery can save PHANTOM MENACE – if that were the case, there would have been no problem in the first place – as a film it is flawed at the most basic levels. Not only is it a critical disaster (though the most successful box office of the series), it’s also the film that tore apart the STAR WARS myth for many fans from the Old Republic…
Let’s be reasonable, PHANTOM MENACE is an easy target; since its release in 1999 it’s been attacked every way possible, and by now the STAR WARS prequels debate has become quite tiresome. But for those planning to see the film for the first time (unlikely if you’re over the age of 10), be warned: PHANTOM MENACE will bore the Jedi robes off you. Replacing the archetypal adventure of the original films with a convoluted story about taxation disputes, PHANTOM MENACE is a labourious experience. It’s filled with irritating characters (and some who veer dangerously close to unpleasant stereotypes), illogical plotting, and no clear narrative trajectory or protagonist with which to engage; even when the film eventually kick into gear in the last fifteen minutes (there’s no denying that the Darth Maul/Qui-Gonn Jinn/ Obi-Wan ‘Duel of the Fates’ showdown is pretty spectacular) it’s interrupted by slapstick humour and child-friendly nonsense. It also kills much of the enigma that made the originals so endearing – midichlorians, anyone? Boring old fart Jedis perhaps? Not easy viewing for those who shared a special ‘relationship’ with STAR WARS pre-1999…
But it’s not 1999 – it’s 2012, and 3D is currently being forced into our eye sockets at every money-spinning opportunity. Except, in the case of PHANTOM MENACE, it isn’t. If it weren’t for having to wear uncomfortable, headache-inducing glasses, you might forget it’s even supposed to be in 3D. Even the pod race sequence (which cynics might assume Lucas had conceived with the intention of rinsing us all for another few bob 13 years down the line) looks flat and very much as it did upon its original release. Of all the underwhelming stereoscopy to have been projected in cinemas these last few years, this up there with the best.
Let us not forget however, PHANTOM MENACE is really for kids (as demonstrated quite clearly within the film/toy advert/annoying kiddie actor show reel), and it’s bound to delight a whole new generation. It’s still majorly flawed, but the less critical brains of sugar-ravaged children will lap it up regardless. For the older fans, it’s time to let go and forget… ignore the 3D re-releases and be at one with the original trilogy, safe in knowledge that whilst the prequels (and everything else) belongs to the kids, the original films – in their original form – truly belong to the Jedi Knights of old. If only Lucas would release the buggers and let us move on with our lives.
STAR WARS: EPISODE I – THE PHANTOM MENACE 3D is released in UK cinemas 9th February
